Day 40 - `Socializing` In The Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts in which I create a projected scenario, like a projector of a movie, that I place myself within in separation of myself literally as I separate myself into 2 beings and take the place of/as another being in my reality and `speak` on their behalf within/as the mind within/as the projected holographic scenario that I have developed within the mind, believing this to be conversation, and believing that this is `socializing` when I am further fueling the ego, as the conversations that I create within the mind only allows me to speak in fact and only I have a say in what happens within/as the projected holographic scenario, abusing this in order to support me as the ego in who I believe myself to be and furthering the definitions of who I believe myself to be through participating in the projected holographic scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enact a scenario within the mind as what a event may play out like, how a conversation might happen, when there is absolutely no `might` it simply won't happen because I allowed myself to fabricate the image and words within the mind through the starting point of the ego in who I believe myself to be, so the entire scenario and words are completely made up so it will NEVER happen the way it happens in the projected scenario within the mind, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that somehow it will eventually turn out the way I have `imagined` it within the mind, allowing myself to continue the abuse of life through the support of ego through continuing to have the conversations within the mind in support of ego in who I believe myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the place of another within the mind and speak on their behalf as if I know what they will say only based on the belief of who they are, allowing myself to corrupt myself in actual conversation with other beings through allowing this backchat to take place in where I create a projected scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me here alone in silence in breath , fear of simply being here with me alone with no thoughts, that I have allowed myself to conjure up a holographic projected scenario based on a memory and create it in how I would have liked it to play out, and play it out in a way that supports me as ego as who I believe myself to be, and in this creating a fabricated `winning` stance of/as ego within the mind to further strengthen the ego, allowing myself to delude myself further into/as who I believe myself to be as ego, not realizing that everything that I then make myself believe that I am through the conversations within the mind with only myself is literally made up thus who I believe myself to be in/as who I am as ego within/as thoughts is literally fucking made up, thus me as ego is not in fact real, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up a belief of who I am separating myself from who I really am as life here in breath in each moment, separating myself literally within/as standing in the position of `myself`` in/as a holographic projected image/scenario and another within the scenario, literally separating myself into 2 or more `people` within the mind and separating myself from myself here in breath where I am in fact, in this I commit myself to not believe who I am is within the conversations that I have in the mind and when and as I start a `conversation` within the mind I stop I breathe I realize that what I am creating is literally not real and I stop in that moment, bringing myself back here in the physical in breath and sitting/standing/laying, breathing with myself here in the physical as who I am in fact here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe when I start to create a conversation within/as the mind in/as who I beLIEve myself to be within the mind, breathe and bring myself back here in the physical where I am here with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being here with myself as who I am as life in/as the physical, in this avoid facing me as who I am in fact as life as silence within the mind, and breath here, avoiding being me in actuality in breath in each moment, in this avoiding who I am as life through allowing myself to create endless conversations within the mind so that I do not have to face myself here in breath as life as who I am in silence of the mind and being here hearing what is here around me and seeing what is here in fact around me, in this stopping myself to seeing the holographic projected image and hearing the false words of/as ego within the mind stopping the idealized self as ego as a `winner` of/over life through the pointless value systems and games that I allow myself to play when in conversation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in the physical in self-awareness of my breath of my body movements of who I am within the moment through allowing myself to blind myself by creating a holographic projected scenario within the mind in which I use to keep myself busy within/as the belief of `socializing` not realizing that I am in fact blinding myself from myself here in breath while creating this `social` experience within as the mind, instead of stopping the projected want to socialize and stopping the occupation of  myself  through/as the `socialization` in order to avoid facing me here alone as breath, and take a breath, stop all the mind chatter that I have created to occupy myself here in the physical so that I do not have to be alone, allowing myself to be here with myself in breath, as the physical in each moment with myself in breath, being alone with myself and finding out who I am really in the physical REALity, stopping the illusory belief of myself as the `words` that I create within the mind and the scenarios I create within the mind to keep myself busy believing that I am the `socialization` of/as the conversations I create within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down using breath and in this slowing myself down place myself within the breath in each moment focusing on myself within the breath, seeing who I am in/as the physical reality, who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and in this slowing down, stop the conversations within the mind that I have allowed myself to believe myself to be the image and likeness of, and even attempting to become the image and likeness of, missing myself in who I am in fact in/as breath here in the physical reality in breath in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conversations within the mind and elaborate on the images and projections until I get a `fully functional` scenario, and to purposely allow the conversations to continue to exist so that I do not have to face myself in being alone, in being responsible for my direction for myself alone, the I alone am responsible for myself and in the creating of/as conversation within/as the mind I take away my response ability for myself here through not allowing myself to be here within/as the physical where I am in fact with the ability to respond to what is here in fact, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face myself alone here as myself in breath through stopping all of the conversations and thoughts of who I believe myself to be as ego and stick to myself here in breath and out breath, so that within and without I am breath always all ways, in this sticking to being here in responsibility for myself being here in this physical reality taking responsibility for my part in accepting and allowing and creating the physical reality in/as/how the way it is currently existing in its hell, abuse, destruction of life on the planet, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that through/as thinking within the projected holographic scenarios I create within the mind I separate myself from myself here as creator and in this I separate myself here from this physical reality and in this separation of myself I in fact allow the abuse, destruction, annihilation of life to continue unimpeded, in this still being responsible for what is here but abdicating my response ability to what is here through allowing myself to be lost and busy within the mind creating false fucking beliefs and conversations, in this not realizing that I am thus then accepting and allowing the abuse of life here to continue through the abdication of my response ability through separating myself into the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing that I am in fact responsible for this reality and in this fear taking responsibility for myself in this reality through stopping the mind and stopping all of the chatter within the mind, in this bringing myself back here in the physical reality and learning again how to live in/as/with the physical reality in breath in each moment, in this supporting myself as life, and in this seeing what is in fact happening to life here and through allowing myself to live as life through/as breath stand up and respond to the abuse that is happening to myself as life in/as breath and all life in/as breath equal and one on all `levels` of existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself while I am learning how to live here again in this physical reality and how to stop the mind, being patient and diligent with myself in the mind, being patient with giving myself the time to learn of how to again live without thoughts and live within breath and diligent in not stopping the stopping of myself within the mind in/as conversations each time I see that I am participating in conversation and thought in separation of myself here in the physical reality, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to stop immediately once I have come to see what I have been in fact doing, not realizing nor taking into consideration that it took me 7 years to develop this mind reality of myself and is going to take equal or more amount of time to re-develop myself in/as breath as life here in the physical reality as substance as who I am in fact.

I commit myself to stopping the conversations when they come up and apply forgiveness on believing that I am within/as the projected `voice(s)` within the mind and in this bringing myself back here to the physical reality in breath and sticking to breath in each moment, in this giving myself to patience to perfect staying here in the physical reality in breath

I commit myself to show how we have become to believe that we are the thoughts and how that in the thoughts and conversations within the mind we have separated ourselves from our responsibility in our ability to respond to this reality and in this we are all in fact responsible for how this world has turned out due to our abdication of our responsibility as creators of this worlds through allowing ourselves to separate ourselves from the physical reality through thinking

I commit myself to be diligent with myself in being consistent in stopping the thoughts when they arise and stopping the conversations when/as they arise, dedicating myself until I am dead to taking responsibility for this life equal and one throughout existence, in this being diligent in bringing myself back here to myself in breath.